I think the way you grieve depends on your family. Often times in the black community we look at talking about grief as a sign of weakness. My father’s passing was so unexpected. I found myself living in denial. It was hard to get rid of his stuff, because I felt as though it was a way of saying he didn’t exist. I had to realize that’s not true.
To get through those rough moments I chose to talk to my family. Honestly, we would talk to each other. The first holiday without him was rough, but this past year I was stronger. I guess that would be the “process” that everyone spoke about when he first passed away. I didn’t want to hear others tell me that it’s a process of dealing with grief. I still don’t understand the process, and no one could explain the process to me. I can never tell you how I got through it. I just got through it. One day at a time. We can cover our grief with drugs, alcohol, food, and other things. It’s easy to do. Those feelings of grief can hit you at any moment.
The reason I wanted to participate in this project is because I wanted to keep my father’s legacy alive, and tell people that it’s okay to grieve. Trust me, I’ve had those days that I didn’t want to get out of bed, or even drive myself to work, but everyday I get stronger. I cry when I need to, pray and keep pressing forward.
My father taught me about FINANCES, FORGIVENESS, and LOVE. The Book of Psalms was his favorite, because it always talked about forgiveness. My father was a Pastor so he was big on teaching about love. We should never look down on anyone. We are not too far from where they are. He didn’t believe in credit card debt, and he always believed in having life insurance. Let me say that one more time, life insurance was extremely important to him! You must have your house in order before you leave this earth.
I was very fortunate to grow up in a two-parent household. There’s nothing that my father wouldn’t do for me. Everything about him I miss. When you lose someone like a parent it feels as though your normal is not normal anymore. You have a new normal. Your new normal is learning how to progress, and to keep going.