Big Al would be described as a super cool guy. He was the Superfly type of guy; tall, dark, & handsome. He could have legit started the beard gang. He was smooth, full of charisma, and you didn’t dare catch him without his Gator Boots. One thing he always preached to everyone around him is that you needed to “be classy.”
I was always a daddy’s girl but the older I got we didn’t always see eye to eye. He had some flaws, but what human doesn’t have flaws. Reflecting on past situations I can say I know where he was coming from. It was coming from a place of hurt. We would clash, but then we could be the best of friends.
It felt like deja vu walking into the casino two years after my dad died. This was his favorite place, and the last place he was before he died. I talked to him Monday night, and Tuesday afternoon I got a call that he was gone.
The real hurt and pain set in after the funeral.
I can remember being at a point that if someone took me away from this earth they would be doing me a favor. My brother turned to me and simply said “shut up, don’t ever say that again. You have to live. Our father lived the way he wanted to. You have to embody that. Do the best that you can with this life.” That was my motivation to continue. His life ended but that doesn’t mean that my life did. My life didn’t stop the day that my dad passed away. I had to learn how to live with the heart that I have even though a part of it was now gone.
I tried to get back to my normal. I was trying to rush back into life. I didn’t do grief counseling, but I know that it’s important to take time for yourself. Grief has no expiration date. People will say you just need to pray. Being a spiritual person it was still hard to cope with losing my father. It helped once I talked to other people that lost a parent. “The older you get the more death that you will see is,” what my mom always says.
Don’t wait until the perfect time to do what you want to do. My dad never traveled anywhere. Other than Arkansas and Kansas City. He never went anywhere. For me, after losing my dad it taught me to literally live life and travel more. The first time I went out of town after he passed I wasn’t able to make that call. We were actually planning a big trip to Las Vegas, Nevada that year. I’m devastated that we won’t be able to experience that together.
We have so many mental issues in our community. Grief is one of those things we aren’t quick to accept. If you know someone that’s close to you that needs you just be that listening ear. Grief can overtake you, but you can’t let it. It doesn’t end when others says it does. If you’ve been through it you can never tell anyone how to grieve. I remember rocking and rubbing my leg shortly after my dad passed, that’s not a pain that I could heal.
I just lost my brother in March. The same person that told me to live after our father died. The grieving process has begun again for me. He was so heartbroken when my dad died. I almost feel a sense of relief because I think they’re reunited.
Before my dad passed you would hear about people losing someone close to them but you never think it could be you. It was so many friends and family were reaching out to me saying I can’t believe it’s him. You don’t know when that last goodbye is going to be, or their last day.
The only thing that keeps me at ease was a conversation that he had with a friend (my father had the flu a week before he passed away). He told the friend “my baby loves me, and she took care of me.” That was something that he didn’t always tell me. To know that did me some good. He did know that I loved him and he loved me. I don’t want anyone to get to the point where they don’t say it.
Be First to Comment