2272 Townline Rd.
Benton Harbor, MI
For 43 years of my life we were hardly ever separated. I feel like I loss my best friend. I’ll never forget that dreadful day in October; I talked to my dad on the phone the night before. He was unresponsive the next morning.
My dad was the pastor of this church for 44 years and associate pastor for 10 so all together almost 54 years at this church. He died on a Tuesday and the next day I had to address the church, not only was I mourning, but the church was grieving as well. In the African American church when the Senior Pastor dies they drape the chair as a sign of mourning for 30 days. The transition from being Associate Pastor to Pastor was quick! That Sunday I had to come in and preach. Shortly after that I had to do funerals for long time members here. It was difficult.
There were 200 people looking to me to get them through the journey of grief. Not knowing that I was suffering the loss of my pastor and my dad. I became numb. It was as if the members of the church were passing away rapidly after that. I said Lord do you know how important these people are to me? I began picking my moments when I could grieve; it was primarily away from the church. I was now the leader of the congregation. There were others looking to me to show them the way.
It was difficult to eulogize members that I’ve been knowing all of my life and I wasn’t over my grief, or I would say I wasn’t addressing it. I became a runner. I ran from addressing my own grief. My therapy was accepting every preaching engagement that was presented. After doing that for 13 months straight, I worked my body into exhaustion. My body said no more, and my emotions began to get the best of me. My reality check was that I had a family depending on me. Not just my wife and kids, but my church family as well. Prayer saved me, and became my form of release.
I think it’s exceptionally important to talk about grief in the black community. Being a Pastor for almost 2 years and an Associate Pastor for 21 years I’ve noticed that after we have the funeral, cemetery, and repast (meal/dinner served after a funeral with family, friends, and the community) we pretty much consider our job done but so many people go home broken. I think this project is great because it helps people to realize that grief is natural and it starts the process of healing.
There’s a passage in the bible that says when we go through, the God of all grace will give us strength to comfort those who are in trouble, but God will comfort us also. The word comfort in Greek means to pull close. God will comfort you and will bless you with someone that has been there. You can sympathize or empathize but you really don’t know what a person is going through until you have sat in their seat. Today, I’m sitting in that seat.
I read and said “I didn’t know, I ignored HIS grief”. I took for granted the assumption of resilience of his grief and the need to mourn. We take our very leaders for granted, as a super human. I joined New Bethel 1 year ago, on Mother’s day. I have been in attendance since 2010. I still to this day recite one of the very points the Pastor said… “you either in a storm, coming out of a storm, or headed for a storm”. I am honored to have been and be in the presence of two GREAT men to have led me on my path. Though I didn’t have the privilege to build a bond with the elder Pastor, I am in standing to say now I have finally found MY church home under “Pastor Mo”. This man gives his all in each sermon. He has channeled his truths, failures, grievances, and joy whenever he steps to that podium. What was my take away? Don’t discount mourning and grief just because you don’t see the tears.
Thank you for such a heartfelt message. We truly enjoyed our time with the Pastor. He was transparent, and excited to share his story in order to help others. Your love and support is greatly appreciated for both your leader and the project.
Thank you Pastor for sharing your heart to help others.
Thank you for continuously showing your love and support for the project!
Pastor Mac helped save my life i lost my grandson and my mother a week apart and a divorce all in one shot i thought i was gonna lose my mind but he taught me it was ok to be full of different emotions and that it was ok to holler and cry to get things out i became a member of the New bethel missionary baptist church and got baptized shortly after becoming a member and i can honestly say God heals but the thing is we have to give him something to work with so we have to start with prayer and then being able to talk with others it’s a process but well worth it 👼
Yes, we have to consistently do the work. Thank you for sharing your testimony and hoping that you continuously find healing and peace along the journey.
Our family will forever be grateful for you Mo! Some of those long time members you spoke of were the people that birthed us into the world. Our world was shifting. Never to be the same again. It seemed as if they were leaving us so fast. Our heads were spinning. You were there through them all. Your kind words, your eulogizing, you just being you (All while trying to grieve yourself) WE SALUTE YOU MAN OF GOD and are praying for you even as we type this reply.
Such an awesome man of God. I am a better person because of the McAfee family. XOXO, RJ
Grief is a part of life process we all must endure. Love ones will eventually leave us through death. Losing our love ones is so emotional and most of the unexpected or prepared. As Pastor spoke about in the black community, it’s a subject not readily spoke about or discussed in preparation of unforeseen death. We had a fear of pre-planning overall which is so necessary. Pre-planning really makes it more comfortable in dealing with loss. Everyone does experience grief in various ways. and that is one of the main reasons that individuals should seek support people whom they can talk to and rely upon in the good days and bad days. Preparedness is the key with handling death. The more prepared you are the better you are able to handle the grief process. One word of advice to help everyone through grief is to pray continuously and stay faith to God who will see you through anything.
Faith is my word for the day for the November Challenge. Faith over fear has been my motto lately.
This article really blessed my soul. I am going through ten same exact thing.
Whenever we hear that the stories shared on the platform were helpful encourages us to keep going with the platform. We hope you find comfort along the journey and one day hope to share your own story.