My mother was my best friend but more than a friend, but she was still your mother. **giggles** My mother was sweet, but tough. She had expectations of her kids, but the main one was that we ALL must graduate from high school.
My first acknowledgement of death was when my grandmother passed I remember it being a strange day. They took us (the children) in the back room to tell us that Nana was gone, and she wasn’t going to be living with us anymore. It took us awhile to process it. I remember there being a lot of tears, but not in front of the children. I don’t remember us talking about the death of my Nana, and my own mother never discussed death until it was close to her own passing.
The last few days with my mom consisted of a phone conversation about their 60th wedding anniversary because their 50th was so huge. I had recently lost my full time job, so I was helping my mom more around the house, and I was able to spend more time with the both of them.
I received a phone call on a Friday night from my dad saying I needed to come over and pamper my mom that following morning. I promised I would be there after attending a bridal show with one of my closest girlfriends in Grand Rapids, Michigan which is less than an hour from my parents’ home in Muskegon. The guy I was dating at the time was interested in marriage, so I was going to show her stuff that I wanted for my own wedding. The plan was to do her hair that evening, and show her everything including the ring.
While at the bridal show I got a phone call saying that my mom was unresponsive. My mom was doing dialysis and went into Cardiac Arrest. My best girlfriend that was with me had lost her mom so she knew the sense of urgency to make it to back to Muskegon in a timely manner. My dad said to me, “Baby we don’t have mom to take care of or look after anymore.” All the things that I wanted to share with her that afternoon never happened.
During the year after she passed I called my father everyday. I called my siblings and had a long conversation with each one of them. Right now we don’t talk about her passing, but we still talk about her through memories.
There are things that I look back on and I say to myself were there signs?
She had a fall in January or February of 2008 (she was back in a nursing home because we needed the extra help getting her to dialysis) and she was there until August after breaking her femur bone. I can remember spending time with her on my birthday. She looked at me really strange when I leaving. It was a lingering stare. It’s almost as if she knew that was going to be my last birthday with her. Similar to Christmas of 2007, she had the same look while holding my baby niece. It’s a look I will never forget. I’m confident she knew.
I cried everyday for a year after she passed. It’s hard to believe it’s been 10 years since I’ve spoke to her, and today would’ve been their 70th wedding anniversary. I would say that since my mom has passed away the family doesn’t get together like we used to, but we need to get together for the next generation. One of the most important things I’ve learned since her passing is to show empathy for those that are sick, and that grief support definitely made me a stronger person.
There is one vivid memory, my mom stated to my father referring to me, “she’s never had that kind of loss before.” She was absolutely right.
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